The disease you can’t see – Vicki

Exhausted, abandoned silently

Tired, overworked psychiatrist lets me leave

Going into a ‘mad house’ you’ll be labelled

Can being labelled be worse than the cacophony going on in my head?

Years of staying on the “right” side of that door.

Sudden and complete surrender and I’m in.

Safe

Scared

Lonely

But the years of dong the same old things

Taking pills

Talking till I could choke

Pretending everything is fine

Peace outside, war within,

Skewered space, peculiar choices

Unsure, desperate for love

Any love

Wrong love

Loving others not myself

Angry at the wasted time

Sad for my children.

Wish I had spots or went a funny colour

Could shout from on high

‘you see, I have a proper illness!’

But no, just quietly sit

And try and pull it all back together

And face it all,

Again.

This is an extract from the book FASCInATE – Friends of Alma St Centre Inspiring Action Towards Equity. To order a copy please contact us.

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